Freedom
by inkheart9459
Summary: A week after Cassidy's hospitalization for alcohol poisoning Miranda stops Andrea outside the door to the dining room after hearing the girl's voices. What the two of them overhear offer insight into Cassidy's drinking problem and it tears Miranda apart, but nothing hurts so much as the idea that her baby could ever think she would hate her.


Another anon prompt from tumblr: "Miranda and Andy overhear Cassidy and Caroline talking about Cassidy's drinking problem, the whys and how longs has she been doing this. they join their girls and be all fluffy. Angst and fluff please." This follows the story Cough Syrup, so you need to read that first to really understand what's going on. And as always enjoy.

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><p>Miranda pulled Andrea to a stop right outside the door to the dining room. Andrea looked back at her questioningly, but Miranda just held up a finger and titled her head silently towards the room they were about to enter. The twins' voices floated out, just loud enough to be made out as they set the table for dinner.<p>

"Cass, is it ok if I ask you a question?" Caroline's voice was quiet.

The exuberant story that Cassidy had been telling petered off. She knew that tone of voice well. It was the same one Miranda herself used when she wanted to discuss something serious with them.

"Uh, yeah, go ahead." Miranda could practically hear the scratching of the neck that went along with the sentence. It was Cassidy's nervous tick.

"Why?" Caroline didn't have to elaborate. Cassidy had only been home a week after her stint in the hospital. She had been acting as if everything was normal, but nothing was anymore. Not when there were therapy sessions scheduled three times a week for one of her baby girls and her phone and internet privileges had been severely restricted and her going out alone was a thing of the past. The teachers at Dalton had even been instructed to keep a closer eye on her daughter. No, nothing was normal at all.

Cassidy was silent for a long time. "It was just fun at first, you know, a way to let loose. I mean ninth grade everyone was figuring out that jet setting parents meant parties and unrestricted access to alcohol and it was just so cool."

Miranda seethed on the inside. She _knew_ that the crowd Cassidy had hung out with were bad influences, but Andrea had told her to let Cassidy make her own mistakes. She would have rather been seen as a witch of mother by one of her girls as long as her baby hadn't ended up in the hospital.

"But then it was more than once and a while and I just loved feeling like all my problems were nothing more than blips on the radar. It was suddenly every weekend and I looked forward to just getting trashed and forgetting that I'd failed a test and that mom would be disappointed in me. I didn't have to be perfect, I was free." Cassidy's voice was getting shakier and shakier as she went on.

Miranda swallowed hard as the information hit her system. She had helped cause this. She had put too much pressure on her babies.

Andrea's hand found her own. She looked up into brown eyes that looked just as sad as she felt. But Andrea shook her head and squeezed her hand. The younger woman knew exactly what she was thinking. She always did. It was what had made her such a good assistant and it was what made her the only lover than had lasted.

And she was telling her that this wasn't her fault. Miranda appreciated the effort but she wasn't sure she believed her.

"Then it suddenly wasn't freedom anymore. I only felt good on the days that I was drunk and the days I was sober were hell and deep down I knew it was a problem, but I convinced myself it was fine. I was doing well in school, I had all these friends, I had what everyone wanted, I was fine, you know? It went on like that for a while. Then at Austin's party everything just hit a wall. I don't even remember how much I had, but I started out the night drinking straight from a bottle of vodka, so…" She trailed off. "Waking up in the hospital was kinda a wakeup call, but it's just…hard."

"You know you could've come to me, Cass. Talked about anything, the stress, the drinking, anything. We're sisters. I'll always be there for you. You know that."

"I do, but, it just…I was scared that you would hate me for everything."

"Why would I hate you for everything? I may throw pillows at you at two in the morning when you won't shut up, but that doesn't mean I would ever hate you."

There were sounds of footsteps and Miranda knew that Caroline was walking over to hug Cassidy hard. She swallowed and wished that she was in there hugging her girls as well, but didn't want to interrupt their moment.

"I'll try," Cassidy said, voice choked. "I'll try to talk with you. I can't promise anything, Caro, but I'll try."

"That's all I'm asking. You're going through a hard time and I want to help. That's what sisters are for."

Miranda was so proud of Caroline in that moment her heart was about to burst out of her chest. She loved both of her girls so much it was if a universe of love was making room for itself inside her chest. She felt so full, ready to explode, but she wouldn't have it any other way.

Andrea tugged her closer and hugged her and the feeling intensified. She just wished she could protect the ones she loved from everything, but no matter how much money and influence she had, she knew that that wasn't possible. It angered her to no end and made her want to call an assistant just to send them on some impossible errand in retaliation, but she knew Andrea would frown upon that.

"I think Mom might hate me, though," Cassidy said, barely loud enough to be heard. The tears were evident in her voice.

Miranda broke. She couldn't stay outside the dining room door. She wiggled from Andrea's arms and was in the room in a second. She saw Cassidy and Caroline still joined together in hard hug and swept them both up in her arms. They didn't fit as well as they used to, too big, too grown up to fit comfortably there together now, but she made it work.

"Oh, no baby, I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I love you so much and I just want you to be all right. I'm sorry if I ever made you feel like this was the only way out, was the only way to relax. I never meant for that the happen, I just want what's best for you and your sister. I always have and I always will." She pulled back enough to tip Cassidy's face towards her. "I will do anything and everything you need to help you through this. And I will never stop loving you no matter what."

Fresh tears streamed down Cassidy's face. She threw herself harder into Miranda's arms, squeezing her enough to hurt. Miranda couldn't think of anything else that felt better.

But then Andrea was curling herself around the three of them and Miranda proved herself wrong. This was better.

"I'll be here for you every step of the way, too, Cassidy," Andrea said quietly into a head of bright red hair. "No matter up, slip ups or not. Your mom and I just want you to get better, nothing else because we love you."

They stayed like that for a long while, holding each other with tears streaming down their cheeks. They had been walking on eggshells for the last week avoiding everything to do with Cassidy's drinking. But now it was like a breath of fresh air had entered the house. Everything was out in the open now and Miranda hoped against hope that it meant that her family could heal, learn, and grow from this incident.

She pulled back and cleared her throat. She wiped her eyes carefully. She had to look a mess, with mascara everywhere. Why exactly hadn't she invested in waterproof yet? It didn't matter.

"I know that Julia cooked us a wonderful meal, but what do you girls say we put all that in the fridge for lunch tomorrow and order pizza?"

The girls looked at her with wide eyes. They glanced at each other, not exactly sure that they had heard right. Miranda almost laughed at the comical looks, but smothered it at the last instant. Even Andrea was looking at her with a skeptically raised eyebrow.

"And I know all three of you have some sort of ice cream stashed in the freezer somewhere. Don't think I don't notice these things. And we can have ice cream after pizza." She shot them all a hard look, belied by the beginnings of a smile on her face. "But don't get used to it. It's back to our normal fare tomorrow."

Andrea and girls busted out laughing, wiping tears from their own cheeks. And in that moment Miranda knew that it would be ok eventually. Maybe not today, and maybe not anytime soon, but that was ok. She reached out and drew Cassidy into her side again. For once everything didn't have to be perfect.


End file.
